Oh, nevermind, so retarded.

Possible I'm the queen of bad timing? Yes, I suppose.

Well, okay, nothing I can do. But I swear I thought this was over.

Even I don't know what I'm really talking about anymore. Do yourself a favor and just...don't ask.

I figured since I'd reentered LJ (which, I admit, I've been tediously avoiding, and by tediously I mean I took it off the links on my toolbar, so it wasn't tedious at all) I should blab something or other about how I am.

I'm fine.

My triumphant return to school actually...turned out to be relatively triumphant. For example...I speak now. I didn't speak before. I [i]couldn't[/i] speak before, so that's a pretty obvious one. Which is actually quite remarkable, even to myself--ten weeks and I'm speaking a language I hadn't heard more than twice before being completely surrounded (with my hands up, screaming for help). I guess I'm okay at this whole thing. Oh, and I can read and write.

ฉันเป็นคนไทย ใช่ไหม

Oh, so no, even if you have a Thai name. You are so white, and so not Thai. Go me.

When I come home I'll be constantly saying these things:

Chai mai? --It means the same thing as the Japanese "ne." I still can't find a satisfactory English equivalent, so I'll be flipping through the two now.
Mai chai. -- Not right./Uh, no. <--what I'm usually thinking when I say it.
Jing luh? -- Seriously? If I'm really enthusiastic, there's two "jing" s.
Jing -- Proper response to above.
Gathoey -- Ladyboy isn't as fun to say.
Mai. -- No. Like, hell no.
Me dai! -- I can't!

These are the ones I'm saying reflexively most often that I can just see sputtering out. And I'll end every sentence with kaa. Sometimes I'll just say it over and over. That means yes.

Just go with the flow, man.

But yeah, that's pretty much what I've been doing, other than getting food poisoning the millionth time and trying to ignore it and oh hey. I made friends today!

Actually, I'm extremely excited about that one. We go take pictures at the Complex on Monday. Woohoo! Picture buddies! I'm going to love the hell out of Fridays now. I was letting my real personality show! It was beautiful...they're fun people and don't make me feel less Thai than I need to. That's important. Thursday's class of disaster was asking me all these questions. I felt like I was sitting down to an interview, and who the hell thinks that's a good time? If you do, you're wrong. Wrong.

Despite the food poisoning, I can tell already it's going to take something extraordinary and sci-fi like, such as a shield over the country (US, Thailand, or if I choose to leave from Japan, whatever happens), to keep me from coming back. I can see me spending more quality time in the vicinity down the road.

Smiles, giggles, and other happy-like things,
Apinya อภิญญา

I was expecting the first to be a girl, as bad as that sounds. When HYDE turns up all female, (after bursting out laughing) you just sort of...I don't know.

It's not what I got. (In fact, Jin collected look-a-likes that were mostly male. Mostly.) The results popped up, I scrolled down, and I absolutely died.



Well, explains a couple fandoms in one shot. o.O

I wish I could say this little trip I'm on was miraculously solving all my problems. And then I find out that a 19 year old boy believes me and an almost 18 year old friend to be young and likely immature. What I would like to know is if that one entire year has any actual bearing on maturity, because let's be honest here.

I'm not as mad as I sound. Maybe just fazed. I guess I didn't expect anyone to still believe me young. I feel so old lately. I feel so very old. I feel so very alone, if you take a nice stroll past today into yesterday. Today was a bit of a reminder that I had things such as personality, the ability to speak, and friends. Most of all friends. The other two count for much, however. I blame this alone for the old, for the record. They have a lot to do with each other. The more time I spend on a mattress on the floor idly watching episodes of anime to which I know the storyline already--the more time I spend unsure whether I would rather pretend to sleep or just go for the real thing, the more I feel like my body is giving hopelessly into gravity. Sinking into the mattress and melding with the wood of the floor.

The lonely that results is not good for exchange. I plan on cutting that crap. It would help to speak more Thai. A woman with vast experience in hosting students has declared I will be passingly fluent in one month. No more (no less?). This is positive. This I can handle. I hope that makes the difference I think it will.

I go back to school--oh yeah, now's my break--in mid-October. I'm crossing my fingers that these next two weeks will be what I needed to be able to communicate. Thai friends would be nice at this point.

Meanwhile, Ueda Tatsuya sings, "It's never late to make a change." I like Ueda Tatsuya. I'll trust him on that one.

Oops. Bout that whole posting thing.

So lately a lot has been going on, and I don't feel like recounting as much as you don't feel like reading a book. Yes, I'm lazy about it, so what?

Most of you have noticed I have pictures on facebook, for the curious. I'll try to take more of my actual surroundings soon, so you can get a clue what Thailand actually looks like, and what Udon looks like. (The movie theaters, by the way? So much better. Both parts of the chair move, are cushy, and you get to sit next to much hotter boys and try to share an arm rest with them. It's like a palace in there.)

I'm starting to edge my way into speaking ability. I'm pretty psyched, even if I have a very far way to go.

Aor left. The cute boy left. Sigh. What am I supposed to do now? I've been pretty ruined over that, but Virginia luckily saved the day yesterday and stole me away to Fancy Theater to watch a chick flick with surprise English subtitles. And we had DQ. The first thing that's actually tasted the exact same at home--but the KFC across from said DQ gets pretty damned close, as Moni and I discovered. (These names will come up often, as they are the other two Udon inbounds.)

Things coming up: Major one, today. Rotary orientation, the first time we'll see everyone from District 3340. I'm so happy to see everyone again! Carol and Karley! We'll have much fun, I promise. And if we don't, we'll do something crazy and pretend we did.

Val and I can still read each others' minds like insane.

Boys, I finally completely notice, all have this inability to simply walk past me. Apparently, they must look as well. Some say hi. Some say things I don't ever want translated. Just guessing. It's fun, and not at the same time...but still fun. You know?

America is going to be so weird after this, but I'll be so happy to be eating food again.

to talk to my Mom. Right now.

That's about it.

I can't talk to her for another three weeks.

I can't see her for another 43.

I'm going to school tomorrow, and I have to make a small speech in Thai at 7.30 am, so I just brushed up on my Japanese (which is doing well, thank you) and surfed through the first page of the "Real Life Wedding" community.

The winner is clear:

"Yup.
I look like ass.
Alcohol will do that to you.
Plus, it was like, 80% humidity."

My kind of wedding.

Ridiculous uniform: 3
Ridiculous gym outfit: 1
Times I've
cried: 0
felt stupid: it's over 9000.
felt gigantic: consistent
crossed the street by myself: 2
given the illusion I know Thai: 0
been told "I love you" by a Thai: 1
been in a picture: at least 50
wanted cereal and milk: 5 (every morning)
gotten cereal and milk: 0
wanted my friends here: 1 billion, exactly
wanted my family here: please?
felt like my whole entire outlook has been completely renewed, for many reasons: 1

Most of it's worth it. Though fuck it, I'm getting that damned cereal tomorrow morning if it KILLS ME.

fuck it.

One person knows what I'm talking about. That's enough. I'm not going to explain it.

In light of certain events and certain more events, one of which being a move to Thailand and a reassurance that I will be fluent in Japanese and Thai by the time I'm back home, I have so much to live for.

Even though I'm a head taller than anyone else, I could not want to be me more. I am the luckiest little girl in the history of things.

This place is incredible and amazing and someday I might figure out how to describe it, but the best I've done is up on my wordpress, which is linked on my facebook. Tomorrow I go to feed monks at the local temple, to initiate a good year on my birthday. It's part of Thai tradition.

I want to learn more Thai, I want to learn more Japanese, I want to learn more about Aor and Ing and Gait and Mama and Papa and Obachan and Ama and Monica and Zach and Eve, I want to go to the night market (tomorrow night), I want to learn Muay Thai (and will) and Thai dance (and will) and tennis (I will) and go to school (soon), I want to know what my uniform really looks like, I want to go on dates with the taller cute Thai boys, I want to talk to people at home, I want to come back and be amazing, I want to come back and find out more about my own life and the people in it. I don't actually want to have to come back for the last part.

I'm so happy. I'm so in love with this. I'm figuring me out for me. There's nothing, nothing, that could stop me. I got off the plane in Bangkok, and halfway around the world with no honest to God feasible way out I decided to keep going and to go as far, as fast, as much as possible. I'm living life, and I know now just how much.